THINGS THAT (MAY HAVE BEEN) HEARD AT TOP SECRET STH EARNIE MEETING

Hi-dee ho everyone it’s your old pal Union Bruce Banner, the boys in blue played well the other night and head honcho Earnie Stewart hosted a Town Hall for season ticket holders on Wednesday night which…which….I feel a little sweaty. Just going to sit down and….

IT YOUR HULKY. EASY E HELD A MEETING THE OTHER NIGHT. HULKY WASNT ALLOWED. NO ONE ALLOWED. NO NEW PLAYERS ALLOWED INTO ROOM OR ON TEAM ON WEDNESDAY EITHER. DONT WORRY YOU ANGELS. HULKY TOOK MATTER INTO OWN HULK HANDS AND SNUCK IN ANYWAY. HULKY HAD A ROTTEN PORK CHOP, SOME WILD TURKEY, PBR AND SOME JALAPENO POPPERS AND GOT REAL WOOZY. BUT LITTLE WOOZINESS WONT AFFECT GREAT WRITERS. JUST ASK THE GREATEST WRITERS OF ALL TIME. HEMINGWAY, KEVIN KINKEAD AND HULKY. SO HULKY TOOK A DIRTY GLASS FROM RICOS LOUNGE AND HELD IT UP TO THE DOOR TO HEAR EASY E TALK TO THE SEASON TICKET HOLDERS HERE WHAT HULKY UNCOVERED 10 QUOTES THAT WERE SAID BEHIND CLOSED DOORS BY EASY E:

“THERE IS NO MONEY. NO ONE GETS PAID AND WHEN PLAYERS KNOCK ON DOOR TO PHILADELPHIA UNION ACCOUNTING DEPARTMENT NO ONE REALIZE THAT IF THEY OPEN THE DOOR THAT DOESNT GO INTO AN OFFICE IT GO INTO AN ALLEYWAY.”

“IT WAS ME. EARNIE. EASY E LET THE DOGS OUT. THAT ANSWERS THAT”

“THERE IS NO JAY SUGARMAN. THAT JUST A MADE UP NAME. REAL OWNER OF THE UNION ARE A BUNCH OF STONED RICH COLLEGE KIDS WHO WON THIS TEAM ON EBAY. WHY ELSE DO YOU THINK WE HAVE TO WEAR SHIRTS THAT HAVE ‘BIMBO’ ON THEM AND ARE FORCED TO TAKE LOAVES OF BREAD HOME. IT GIVES THEM THE GIGGLES.”

“SHHHH DONT TELL YOUR HULKY BUT WE SIGNED RONALDINHO”

THAT ABOVE QUOTE MADE UP. EASY E DONT CARE ABOUT DELIGHTFUL MAGIC THAT RONALDINHO WOULD BRING TO CHESTER. THIS THE REAL ONE:

“WE ARE ABOUT TO SCORE 50,000 BUCKS FROM COLUMBUS AND WE’RE GOING TO BUY 50,000 WORTH OF KOOL AID TO MAKE PEOPLE THINK WE STILL HAVE A (STARTS LAUGHING) A 5 YEAR PLAN! LOL LOL IN 5 YEARS WE GOING TO BE THE TAMPA BAY UNION. WE HAVE NO IDEA WHAT WE’RE DOING. REMEMBER WHEN WE HAD BARNETTA AND MESSED IT ALL UP? REMEMBER WHEN NOGUEIRA ESCAPED HERE IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT? THEY DONT LIKE TAMPA THAT WHY.”

“EASY E KEEPS IT REAL. GUNS-N-ROSES WERE OVERRATED. THEY HAD 1 1/2 GOOD CD’S”

“WE BUILT THIS STADIUM HERE BECAUSE WE’RE CHEAP. NO ONE TOLD US IT WAS CURSED BURIAL GROUND WHICH IS WHY EVERYTHING IS WEIRD AND BACKWARDS AND CONFUSING LIKE THE SMOKE THING FROM ‘LOST’ SHIT WE STILL HAVE NO IDEA WHAT HAPPENED TO JUAN DIEGO GONZALEZ OR CHRIS VITO”

“AS A BALD MAN I GET JEALOUS OF COOL HAIR. IT WHY ZAC MACMATH IN COLORADO IT WHY KEEGAN ROSENBERRY ON THE BENCH. PLAY WELL GET IN GAMES. BUT HAVE COOLER HAIR THAN EASY E? GET OUT OF MY SIGHT”

“HOLY SHIT I JUST REALIZED WE LEFT RICHIE MARQUEZ IN SALT LATE CITY HOW DID NO ONE NOTICE HE MISSING THAT WAS WAY BACK IN MAY. SOMEONE SHOULD MAKE SOME CALLS AND FIND HIM”

ROOMBA875

“I TOLD YOU THAT 50,000 IS GOING TO BUY KOOL AID SO EVERYONE THINK THAT WHEN I GO TO BED BATH AND BEYOND AND BUY A ROOMBA AND PUT IN ON FIELD AS AN ATTACKING MIDFIELDER EVERYONE THINK WE HAVE A PLAN LOL LOL BE SURE AND TELL EVERYONE WE HAVE A PLAN RIGHT? WE ALMOST THOUGHT THE 374.99 PRICE TAG WAS TOO MUCH FOR OUR BUDGET BUT THEY OFFERED GOOD OLD EASY A REBATE AT BB&B”

“OH AREOLA WAS AVAILABLE? I THOUGHT YOU WERE SAYING THE OTHER TYPE OF ‘AREOLA’ WAS AVAILABLE. I WASN’T INTERESTED IN SIGNING NIPPLES.”

THAT HULKYS INVESTIGATIVE JOURNALISM. HULKY CANT WAIT TO GO TO NEXT GAME AND SEE THAT ROOMBA PLAYING AT THE #10. HULKY HEAR THEY GOING TO CALL IT ROOMBADINHO. HULKY PROBABLY BUY THE JERSEY.

SOME OF THESE QUOTES MAY BE IN HULKYS HEAD

HULKY LOVE YOU MR.KENNY.

HULKY LOVE YOU ALL DEARLY

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